Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
