I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
