That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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