Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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