Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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