just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
