My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
