This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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