so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Randomize
