Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize