bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
