stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
