How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
