have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
