Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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