i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
