my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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