after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
