Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
