I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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