Screwed.edu
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
