last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
