the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
