we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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