Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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