I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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