God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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