I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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