i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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