i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
