I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
ttyl tear gas
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
