Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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