Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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