I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
