you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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