Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
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