I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
