just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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