were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
