Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
