You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
