He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
