And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
