I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
