I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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