I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
