Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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