dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
