There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
