about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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