I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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