if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
