"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
