I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
