Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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