my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
We have started to decorate penises.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
