oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
