i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
