Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
