I wanna passion pit in your ass
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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