Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Randomize
