remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
