His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Enjoy the penises
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
