how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
