what if every blade of grass was a penis?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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