I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
it was like eating out sand paper
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
