Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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