She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize