Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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