I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Randomize
