I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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