Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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