There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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