dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Randomize
