So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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